"Or worse, Robin. Or worse."

So guess what? Life is hard. Really hard. I'm finding it difficult to be a truly good person. I try really hard. And somehow, I always find myself making mistakes. I know it's natural, but I mean over and over and over again? Can't I ever just live in peace?

I've come to realize AND accept that with certain people in my life, I will never be able to live in peace. And it comes with great sacrifice.

I love a man and I love him dearly. He makes me SO happy and he really loves me and he does everything possible to make me happy. His EX-WIFE...does everything possible to make my life a living hell. She is miserable, therefore, everyone else must be miserable, even though I try to be nice and polite to her.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. "
-Esphesians 4:31-32

This is what God says. How? God grant me the strength to be a good enough person to be compassionate to such a horrible human being. I try and I try and still she comes back at me with a new problem. Something she complains about, something she wants to use against us. MORE LIES. How do I face a problem where someone uses lies against me and my family? And what do I do when she wins? Do I turn the other cheek then? Do I let her walk away with the family that I've been building a life with?

Dear God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

On a personal note, you have given me so much. Please give me the strength to deal with this situation in the proper manner. It worries me everyday that I don't know which direction I need to move in when dealing this person. I just want what's best. God help me.

With Love,
D. Grayson

"You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into."

"Do not bear a grudge against others, but settle your differences with them, so that you will not commit a sin because of them. Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the LORD."
-Leviticus 19: 17-18

How does one not bear a grudge against someone who dedicated their own life to making yours as miserable as possible at every turn?

It seems impossible and at times, it really brings me down. At every turn, she slaps in the face with some bogus bullshit that leaves me left sitting here wondering why I try so hard. But I try so hard, because it's the right thing to do. God would want me to continue to kill people with kindness, like I stated in my previous post. Then I find verses in the bible such as this one.

"Do not deceive yourselves; no one makes a fool of God. You will reap exactly what you plant. If you plant in the field of natural desires, from it you will gather the harvest of death; if you plant in the field of the Spirit, from the Spirit you will gather the harvest of eternal life. So let us not become tired of doing good; for if we not give up, the time will come when we will reap the harvest. So then, as often as we have the chance, we should do good to everyone, and especially to those who belong to your family in the faith."
-Galatians 6:7-1

See, now to me, that says, you will reap what you sow. Which to me means, that this said evil person doing wicked things, will get what is coming to her. Some day, after commiting all of her many sins, she will have to face God and explain to him why she's been commiting these awful acts and for what reason, she will not be able to give a good one, other then she was being vengeful and wicked.

I, on the other hand, commit many acts of kindness, because I know it is what God would want me to do. I need to move on from my anger and disappointment and realize that people are going to be the people they want, because God gave us free will. It is the consequences they will have to face when God stands before them.

There is nothing I can do to control these people commiting these sins. I can only control myself and I know that as long as I repent, God will forgive me for my sins and they will live in damnation, because she chose not to repent.

"Ahhh, there is an old saying, Dick. A sound mind and a sound body. A worthy goal."


D. Grayson...OUT!

Back 'atcha D. Grayson

1.) Rewind time back to what?
There are a few key places I'd like to go back to... but mostly just back to better times.

2.) The sunset and Tom Petty can be arranged.
Sweet. Let's do it.

3.) Um, I think we would need three wings. The kids need their own.
Nah, we have too many small ones for them to have their own wing... we can just leave them all in your wing with your Sidekick to play while we hang out in my wing. lol

8.) What was 3.5 years ago that was so awesome?
Just before certain people. Know what I mean?

11.) You really need to list some adjectives about yourself.
I can't think of any. You do it.

25.) What memory could you possibly not be able to repeat?
That one time we went to that one place, and did that one thing... you know.

42.) LASAGNA!
lol

44.) No you're the best buffalo a girl could have!
No YOU are.

In response to B. Wayne

1.) Rewind time back to what?

2.) The sunset and Tom Petty can be arranged.

3.) Um, I think we would need three wings. The kids need their own.

8.) What was 3.5 years ago that was so awesome?

11.) You really need to list some adjectives about yourself.

25.) What memory could you possibly not be able to repeat?

42.) LASAGNA!

44.) No you're the best buffalo a girl could have!

Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?

1.If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?

- To rewind time.

2.List five things you want to do before you die.

-Finish school, buy a horse ranch, have another baby, see the sunset on the grand canyon, see Tom Petty with D. Grayson.

3.If you won the lottery, what would you buy?

-Buy a huge house with two wings. One for me and mine, and one for D. Grayson and hers.

4.Who is the most important person in your life and why?

-My babies and my little buffalo. I literally wouldn't be here without them.

5.Who was the most influential person in your life?

-There hasn't been just one.

6.What is your earliest memory?

-Pass

7.Who was your first kiss?

-Ummmm.... Ryan Stark. My first "real love".

8.If you could go back to any age, which would it be?

-I would go back about three and a half years.

9.Where do you see yourself in ten years?

-I have no idea.

10.Would you rather have hundreds of acquaintances or a couple good friends?

-Couple of good friends. Really I only need the one little Buffalo.

11.List five adjectives that describe yourself.

-ummmm... pass.

12.Where did you go on your last vacation and what did you do?

-Vacation? Whats that?

13.If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

- I would rather go sit on the beach at Pismo than anywhere else.

14.What article of clothing do you put on first in the morning?

-my headband

15.What is the first thing you do as part of your morning routine?

-Start coffee.

16.What is the first thing you think about in the morning?

-Ugh. Why is she awake so early!

17.What is the last thing you think about before you go to bed?

-I have no idea.

18.Where do you sleep on the bed (left side, right side, or the middle)?

-left side usually.

19.How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

- Depends on how much time I have to get ready.

20.Do you ever screen your phone calls?

-yup.

21.Why might you screen a phone call?

-Cause there aren't many people that I talk to.

22.What is your biggest pet peeve about people?

-People who abbreviate the word YOU to U

23.If you could talk to a deceased relative, what would you say?

-I would tell her I love her and how awesome the kids she missed out on knowing are.

24.How did you meet the person who sent this to you?

-She answered my craigslist ad for a roomate, and ended up answering my need for a buffalo too.

25.Write about a memory you have of the person who sent this to you.

-lol. I can't repeat the best ones.

26.What type of driver are you?

-FAst, but good at it so I'm confident.

27.Have you ever been stopped by the police? What happened?

-Like years ago. Bad registration on car that wasn't even mine. douchebag cop.

28.What is one of your biggest regrets?

-It's too long a story to even go into.

29.What's your favorite TV show?

-Sons of Anarchy--this.

30.What's your favorite movie?

-Top Gun tied with "O"

31.What's your theme song?

-Uhhh... depends on the day and my mood.

32.What type of music do you most like to listen to and why?

-Country, its better than everything else.

33.What is one thing that the person who sent this to you doesn't know about you?

-There isn't anything.

34.Do you have an easy time forgiving and forgetting?

-Yea. Especially forgiving things that were done to people I love.

35.If someone in front of you drops a $100 bill, would you pick up and give it back or stuff it in your pocket?

-Depends who dropped it.

36.If you notice that the cashier didn't ring something up, do you say something?

-I plead the fifth.

37.Do you enjoy surprise parties?

-I wouldn't know. I've never had one.

38.If someone could give you the perfect gift, what would it be?

-Right now I just want season 3 of SOA on dvd.

39.Do you have any hidden talents? What are they?

-None of my talents are hidden. lol

40.Do you sing in the shower?

-No. NOt even my shower deserves that kind of torture.

41.What is the one thing you do when you are by yourself because you don't want others to see you?

-So not answering this one.

42.What is the one thing you can cook the best?

-I cook a lot of things.

43.What do you look for in the opposite sex?

-Why does it have to be the opposite sex?

44.What do you like the most about the person who sent this to you?

-She is the best little buffalo a girl could ask for.

45.What do you like the least about the person who sent this to you?

-she lives far away.

46.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?

-Definitely D. Grayson.

47.Who can you depend on if you need someone?

-D. Grayson. FO SHO.

48.What is your biggest fear?

- Something happening to my kids or my Buffalo.

49.What do you worry about?

-Everything usually.

50.What do you hope for in the future?

That my Buffalo can come and go out with me for my last non-thirties birthday!

B.Wayne....OUT. lol

I like to think it is because our hearts are pure.

Buffalo, I already know how you are going to react to the following post, but eventually you will bend at my whim.

I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately. All my life, I have let people walk all over me and live rent-free in my mind as my mother would say. It drains me. I let them ruin my quality of life. So, one day, I woke up sick to my stomach. Not even wanting to get out of bed, because the stress in my life had completely consumed me. I made a conscious decision that this day was the end. I was no longer going to let people control my emotions and wreck my life. I found a motto and its been around since forever and it's one I want to live my life by.

Kill with kindness.

So simple and easy. And it took me awhile to not react in anger when I heard something I didn't like. Slowly but surely, I get better at controlling my reactions to situations and people.

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone hits you on one cheek, let him hit the other one too; if someone takes your coat, let him have your shirt as well. Give to everyone who asks you for something, and when someone takes what is yours, do not ask for it back. Do for others just what you want them to do for you."
-Luke 6:27-31

It takes great restraint to keep from reacting, but I would like to live a much more pure life and one free of anger and useless emotions. I can not allow myself to become consumed, because it will only end up killing me in the end, which will mean, I let these people get the best of me.

So, kill with kindness and see how it makes you feel, because I feel so much better waking up each morning knowing that I'm the only who can control my life and how I live it.

"You're being cynical, Robin. To err is human, to forgive...divine."

D. Grayson...OUT!

"Batman, maybe I should stay home tonight. Homework, you know."

1.If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?

-Live a life closer to God.

2.List five things you want to do before you die.

-Visit Ireland, Marry my love, Raise my kids to be good people, Own my own home and make my parents proud.

3.If you won the lottery, what would you buy?

-I would buy a mansion so that each one of my kids including their own room, including my illegitimate children.

4.Who is the most important person in your life and why?

-Besides, God, it's too hard to choose just one. Nathan is the love of my life. My parents give me guidance and made me who I am. And Alisha is my rock and my sanity.

5.Who was the most influential person in your life?

-Recently, God. Before that, my dad.

6.What is your earliest memory?

-My earliest is not a good one and shines my father in a bad light, so I care not to reminiscence.

7.Who was your first kiss?

-My neighbor when I was 5

8.If you could go back to any age, which would it be?

-I wouldn't, I love my life. It's never been better.

9.Where do you see yourself in ten years?

-Married, in my own home, house full of children.

10.Would you rather have hundreds of acquaintances or a couple good friends?

-Couple of good friends, because my close group of friends have gotten me through the hardest years of my life.

11.List five adjectives that describe yourself.

-Outgoing, honest, friendly, comical and sincere

12.Where did you go on your last vacation and what did you do?

-In October, we went up North to go hunting. It was a blast.

13.If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

-Ireland

14.What article of clothing do you put on first in the morning?

-My uniform shirt

15.What is the first thing you do as part of your morning routine?

-Go to bathroom and relieve myself

16.What is the first thing you think about in the morning?

-5 more minutes!

17.What is the last thing you think about before you go to bed?

-I never remember, because I usually fall asleep to the tv.

18.Where do you sleep on the bed (left side, right side, or the middle)?

-right side

19.How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

-about 15 minutes

20.Do you ever screen your phone calls?

-Sometimes, only when I'm too busy to talk

21.Why might you screen a phone call?

-Only when I'm sleeping or too busy to talk

22.What is your biggest pet peeve about people?

-When people can't speak correctly.

23.If you could talk to a deceased relative, what would you say?

-How much I love them and wish I had made a better effort to keep in touch

24.How did you meet the person who sent this to you?

-Found it online

25.Write about a memory you have of the person who sent this to you.

-N/A

26.What type of driver are you?

-Actually this is my biggest pet peeve. People who can't drive!

27.Have you ever been stopped by the police? What happened?

-Yes, mostly recently, for a headlight out. Very interesting.

28.What is one of your biggest regrets?

-Getting married so young

29.What's your favorite TV show?

-Sons of Anarchy

30.What's your favorite movie?

-Gran Tarino

31.What's your theme song?

-Oh man, ask Alisha.

32.What type of music do you most like to listen to and why?

-Country, it soothes me.

33.What is one thing that the person who sent this to you doesn't know about you?

-N/A

34.Do you have an easy time forgiving and forgetting?

-Extremely easy time.

35.If someone in front of you drops a $100 bill, would you pick up and give it back or stuff it in your pocket?

-Hand it back. What goes around, comes around

36.If you notice that the cashier didn't ring something up, do you say something?

-Most of the time, I don't even notice, so probably not.

37.Do you enjoy surprise parties?

-Sure.

38.If someone could give you the perfect gift, what would it be?

-God give me peace and I would die happy. Then again, I'll probably die happy anyway.

39.Do you have any hidden talents? What are they?

-Some say I sing well, which I hide for most people.

40.Do you sing in the shower?

-Most favorite place to sing, besides Roman's on a Sunday night with my Buffalo.

41.What is the one thing you do when you are by yourself because you don't want others to see you?

-Uh, plead the fifth.

42.What is the one thing you can cook the best?

-Uh...pecan pie.

43.What do you look for in the opposite sex?

-Has to be smart and able to hold a conversation.

44.What do you like the most about the person who sent this to you?

-N/A

45.What do you like the least about the person who sent this to you?

-N/A

46.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?

-Depends on what the exciting thing is, but usually Alisha

47.Who can you depend on if you need someone?

-My Buffalo, Alisha

48.What is your biggest fear?

-Hmm...not being able to support my family

49.What do you worry about?

-Money and the well being of my kids

50.What do you hope for in the future?

-Success and being able to make my family happy. Oh and that I get to see Alisha soon.

Holy strawberries Batman! We're in a jam!

Don't you just hate all the fake people of the world? Why do people always have to have ulterior motives? Can't you just be real and say what you mean and mean what you say? I mean seriously, just be real. DO you and I'll do me. Why lie? Why be conniving bitches and sluts? Creep in on my man. Try it bitch. I'll fucking cut you. You think I don't see what you've been trying to do? That I'm fucking blind? Just because you don't know me, doesn't mean that I'm stupid or oblivious. I'm pretty fucking smart actually. I'll fuck your shit up, if you try to sneak in on my boyfriend again. Don't even think about friending him.

D. Grayson...OUT!

"I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

Lately, I have started a new procedure. Once a day, I sit down and think about the things in my life. I rate them as to what is most important, what needs my immediate attention, what can wait and it is worthless. Some things are pointless to worry about, because they are out of my control.

I have wasted so much time worrying about things that I can't fix and it infects my life. It consumes me and I become this mess of a person. And I'm left with is feeling defeated and overly anxious.

I REFUSE to let these types of people and problems live rent free in my mind. You have to pay a price to earn a spot in my life and my mind. And it isn't very much. I'm an easy going person. I'm nice, thoughtful and friendly. I can make friends with anyone, anywhere. Just ask B. Wayne, she'll tel you.

HOWEVER, some people INSIST on being pests in my life. Little, rotten, bitchy, cunty, good for nothing, whorey PESTS. You want to play hardball, I will show you hard. You want to get me all keyed up? Well guess what, bitch?! I'm going to hit you like a motherfucking bus and not a small one.

Take my picture again and see what fucking happens. I will ruin you. I will hunt you down like a thief in the night and rip your throat in a raging fucking fury.

Peace the fuck out, BITCH.

D. Grayson

"It's not difficult, if you have steady nerves and a good ear. Quality is destroyed by the tenor of criminal life."

The true crimefighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt.

I wish it were that simple.

I wish that there was a utility belt we could carry around that whenever we faced a situation with a problem we can't solve, we could just reach down and pull the solution out of our handy utility belts.

Lately I have come to realize that there are so many problems in life that don't have a solution. That's just the way it is.

Somehow we are supposed to face that, and despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, just have faith that its all going to be ok.

I haven't yet figured out how to do that.

Each day I wake up and fight the same battles I've always fought, and I have to wonder. How long does the fight go on? When do you draw a line in the sand and choose to not be pushed across it again?

Oh, and D.Grayson, we should clean your house if it bothers you. That's what buffalos do. We clean house. We fight crime, drink beer, sing karaoke, or whatever is needed. Thats what we do.

B. Wayne

"Go back outside and calm the flower children."

Listen B. Wayne and listeners,

I realized today that a lot of my bad mood has to do with the fact that my house is a complete DISASTER! It's been wrecking my mood for days and days and today, something had to be done, otherwise I was going to shoot myself.

I also have this devotional book sitting next to me and I really would like to get into it, but at the same time, I feel like...maybe it's a little fake. The devotional book itself, but me and devotional book TOGETHER. Am I just doing it for Shella or myself?

I might have jury duty tomorrow. Could you imagine me as a juror on the Baseline Killer case? Oh man, death row, to the front of the line. Give me the needle.

Ugh, Plants vs. Zombies...wearing on my last fucking nerve, yet so addicting.

"Never trust the old chestnut, 'Crooks have beady little eyes'. It's false."
HAHAHAHA Classic.

D. Grayson...OUT!

Love you my big buffalo.

"I bet Batman is the only one in the world with a hand steady enough to paint false fingerprints."

Dear B. Wayne,

I picked this quote, because you painted my heart with your love. No amount of miles will keep me from being your best friend and partner in fucking crime. It is a minor speed bump in this long loving marriage we have together, my dear gay husband.

You were always my fucking rock when sometimes I didn't deserve it, which is probably why we've been able to last this long and we truly fit together like perfect symmetry and sound like a wonderful harmony.

I've always said that a best friend stands by you even when they know you are wrong. I think that describes us perfectly, because even though you'll tell me exactly how it is, you'll stand by and back me up even when I'm blatantly wrong.

I love you, B. Wayne. Always and Forever.

D. Grayson...OUT!

P.S. "If we close our eyes, we can't see anything."

If we close our eyes, maybe it will feel like the distance isn't so far and the time until we're together again will speed by in a blazing fury.

Come on, Robin, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose!

D.Grayson... I miss your fucking face.

The last five years have been some of the hardest of my life, but you have always been my fucking rock, even when I probably didn't deserve it.

Who am I going to fight crime with now that we are so far apart?


I am one sad Superhero tonight.



B.Wayne