Even superheroes need sleep...

It is late. I am awake and I shouldn't be.

Laying here in bed and flipping through three hundred channels of nothing, I wonder.

How did I get here?

How did I let myself get back to this place that I swore I would never return to?

How do I get back to where I should have been?

Once upon a time I was someone that people saw, and now I am invisible. Invisibility isn't all it is cracked up to be.

Somewhere out there, the future I had once placed all of my faith in is waiting for me. Problem is, I don't know if I have any faith left to reach out for it.

B. Wayne. out.

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Come on, Robin, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose!

Not a moment to fucking lose. I am so tired of packing and moving, that I've just deduced myself to the most unmotivated person EVER. I CAN NOT wait until everything is all said and done. I can't wait for this day to be over. I can't wait for tomorrow. I can't wait from Monday. I can't wait for the next 3.5 weeks to fly by. Then, maybe, JUST MAYBE, I might be able to fucking relax.

Next week is the appointment for my nose, which will determine whether or not I need surgery for my nose. Then once that is handled, I can start working on my settlements. Which is fan-fucking-tastic. I'm ready to get this show on the road. Giddy up. Come on. Keep on keepin' on. Keep on truckin'. Get to it. READY TO ROCK!

*SIGH* Can this day be over yet, please?

"Careful, Robin. Both hands on the Bat-rope." Or I might fall?

D. Grayson OUT!

Remember Robin, always look both ways.

You ever have just a straight fucking downpour in your life and wonder if the rain is ever going to let up? That's where I am right now. I am fairly positive person, but man! How much shit can one person take before they go completely fucking insane? I'd really like to know, because I feel like I'm there. I have reached the breaking point where I officially feel 100% defeated. My heart is heavy, I have a permanent stomach ache and I have a fucking cold. Are you joking? A cold!

I don't even want to hit the bottle to drown my miseries, because you know what, when I wake up, they'll still be there and all I'll be left with is problems and the brown bottle flu. So fuck you bottle. You aren't my friend, as much as you pretend to be.

I just want to be free of this feeling. I want to feel good again. Why "the man" insists on bringing me down all the fucking time, I will never know. I hate having FML moments. Why can't I have a LML moment?

Fuck all the people who are trying to make my life miserable. I'm tired of letting you reduce me to this unhappy person.

"Planting a timebomb in a local library is a felony."

Quit planting fucking timebombs on my life, assholes. I'm fucking over it!

D. Grayson OUT!

Of course, Robin. Even crime-fighters must eat.

First off, I want to start by saying that I have two cats that have very strange habits. One of them really likes liking a.) plastic bags and b.) my arm. Not just any arm, but my right arm, to be very specific. And you can't leave a fucking plastic bag out unless you want to hear that little fucker licking away at it day and fucking night. Even when I'm trying to sleep, so all bags have now been hidden and put away. The cat would lick my arm raw if I let him, but that little ass, rough tongue hurts. Its like sand paper, but miniature.

The other cat LOVES to the lick the wall. Not any wall, but the two same spots. It's weird. He will be quiet and then all of the sudden its as if, he is trying to lick the wall like a fucking ice cream cone. And he does it when I'm trying to sleep. These cats, I swear.

I love you, little meow-meows, but quit fucking licking!!

D. Grayson OUT!

This is why Superman works alone.

As I sit here, by myself watching an old movie on TV that I've already seen a hundred times, I wonder.


Why is it that I'm sitting here by myself? I used to be cool. I used to be the girl that everyone called to find out what was going down on a Saturday night. I used to have a phone book full of friends to call when I had some time with nothing to do.


Apparently... I'm not that girl anymore. Now I'm the girl sitting at home on a Saturday night reading on Facebook about what everyone else is doing.



I know, I know, sad little pity party I'm throwing myself right? Well damn, how is a girl supposed to feel good about her social life when the highlight of her night was realizing that Erin Brokovich was on TV.


At this point, a pity party is the only party I've got.



B.Wayne

It's all a blur. Like a horrible day-mare.

GASP! My precious companion died protecting me. I didn't want to replace you, but I can't go on without doing so. You are my partner in life and you made sure I was safe always. I wish I could just bring you back to life, since you so courageously took your final breathes in attempts to keep me in one piece. You did just that, my dear friend. You will always hold a special place in my heart, for you were the first to truly capture it. You weren't just a material object to me. You were a part of my family. You brought much joy to my life and it saddens me deeply to let you go. I will always love you. I am so proud of you and what you did for me. It was honor serving with you. Your replacement is nice, but he is not you. He can never be you. You will always be first and your memory and spirit will be with me forever.

I live. I ride. I am. JEEP.
*tears*

D. Grayson...JEEP's Beloved...OUT!

"Even crimefighters need their sleep, Robin."

I didn't sleep for shit last night.

I fell asleep and then had awful dreams.

I usually have very vivid dreams and I normally remember most if not all of it the next day. Sometimes this is cool...sometimes I have really random dreams about ridiculous things that I can call and laugh to my friends about. Sometimes the dreams aren't good, and I wish that I could be like everyone else and wake up without a memory.

Ten years ago one of my Mom's best friends, who I called my Aunt, who WAS my Aunt in all the important ways, was murdered. She was killed brutally and horribly in her home in the middle of the night. I won't get into the details, but obviously it was bad. That same week, four days later my younger brother who was eight years old at the time fell off of his bike while I was watching him (I had just turned 17) and tore his pancreas, severed his liver and collapsed one of his lungs. He was flown in the LifeFlight Helicopter to a nearby childrens hospital for surgery, where he remained in the hospital for a month.

That was the worst week of my life. I was terrified for my brother, and terrified of the world because of what happened to my Aunt. All of the bad things that you see on the news that only happened to other people, happened around me all at the same time and it overwhelmed me on a fundamental level.

Ten years later and I still can't handle being alone in my apartment at night without a light on, and the TV on. I hate going places where there are large amounts of people because my faith in humanity was ruined a long time ago.

My nine year old daughter doesn't have a bicycle at my house because I CAN'T watch her ride it without having a serious anxiety attack. Just the thought of how quickly everything can go badly is more than I can handle sometimes.

These dreams that I have about that week, reliving it over and over again, keep me rooted in that moment. Steeped in that kind of pain, I feel like each time I wake up afterwards, I am right back in that 17 year old mind, terrified and dissapointed in the world.

I don't know how to make the dreams stop. I don't know how to get past that fear, or to forgive the world for having seen its dark side.

B.Wayne